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This is the story of a normal trip to the mall in the life of the Acachallas. As usual, credit to Venturiantale. This is a fan fiction, so it is not cannon.

"Billy, Hurry up and get in!", said Papa Acachalla as he started the car.

"But Papa!"

"No Butts! It's time to go to the mall. Gertrude wants to get some cooking things." Billy sighed, and buckled his seat belt. He sat in fear as the car rolled out of the driveway. He tried not to imagine popcorn or sharpies."Papa, what if Maddie is there?!"

"Then we'll go to another department. Don' worry Billy."

"Papa, when we get there can I have some waffles?", asked Sally, who was playing with her barbie. She shoved it in Billy's face.

"Hey!", Billy cried in defense, "Get that thing out of my face!" Papa sighed and drove on.

At the mall...

"So, Gertrude, what's on the list?", asked Papa as they strolled down the long hallway.

“Well, let’s see…”, she replied, “I was thinking we could stop at a clothing store to get a new dress for Sally. We need that lounge chair for you, the kitchen supplies for me, the gift we were getting for Officer Maloney, some new shirts for Billy, and then maybe we could stop at the toy store and let the kids choose something.”

“You forgot Spencer’s new headset.”

“Oh yeah… I’ll add it to the list.” Billy looked around for Maddie while his parents conversed. The coast was clear. Billy did, however, see Principal Buttkicker, and he hid behind Gertrude. After walking for a while, they came to the clothing department. While Gertrude and Sally went looking for a dress, Papa helped Billy pick out shirts. Billy picked a blue racing shirt, but there weren’t any in his size, so he had to suffice with a white one. Eventually, the girls came out with a pink dress.

“It’s so pretty! Thanks mama!”, Sally cried.

"I'm glad you like it," Gertrude smiled and she paid for the clothes. As they came to the kitchen department, they saw two familiar faces by the bread pans.

“The Johnnys!”, Gertrude waved, “It’s so nice to see you two!”

“Why hello, ma’am.”, answered Johnny Toast as he shook her hand. Ghost, who had been bent over the shelf, looked up.

“Hi, Mrs. Acachalla! Spending some money are you?”

“Oh, you know. Just a few errands to run.”

“Hey, Toastie!”, exclaimed Sally,”Wanna see my new dress?”

"That would be lovely," Toast replied,"It must be very nice." As Toast went to look, Billy jumped in shock. Maddie Friend herself was in the fashion department, picking out some new skinny jeans.

“Papa?!”, he whispered frightfully, but it was too late.

“BILLY!!!!!!”, Maddie screamed as she ran toward him, “PLEASE WILL YOU SIGN MY SHIRT?!”

Billy ran.

And ran.

And ran.

And ran until he could run no more. He dashed inside the bathroom, and hid in one of the stalls. He peered through the crack in the door as Maddie strolled in, even though it was the boys’ bathroom. Fortunately for her, there was no one else present. She began rattling all the stall doors. Suddenly, someone coughed, and it wasn’t Billy or Maddie. Billy whirled around to see the Toilet Toucher standing right behind him.

“Hey,” was all he said. Billy screamed louder than fireworks on the fourth of July.

“Billy? I found you!”, Maddie opened the stall, but Billy ducked behind her and raced down the aisles of a clothes store. He dodged baseball caps, and threw a rack of sweaters in Maddie’s path, ignoring the shouts of the woman at the cash register.

“Papa! Help!”, Billy cried as he weaved through buckets of socks. He slipped on a pair of underpants, but he did not stop. But, at that moment, the Toilet Toucher blocked his path once again. Billy fell on his butt, startled. He could hear Sally laughing as he backed away on his hands and knees.

“Sir! It’s the Toilet Toucher!”, came a British voice.

“Oh no, Johnny! Let’s stop him!”, Ghost replied. The two investigators rushed toward them, but Ghost ran into Principal Buttkicker, who, of course, kicked his butt. While Johnny held his rear end, the Toilet Toucher ran to the bathrooms, muttering quietly to himself about strange little boys and stupid names. They heard a flush, and Ghost scowled between his cringes of pain.

“Dang it! He got away! Well, back to the case at hand. Come on, Toast.” The P.I.E team turned back.Billy tried to get up, but before he could scramble to his feet, Maddie sat on him.

“I have you now, Billy! Sign my shirt. Or else.”

“Never!”, Billy cried. Maddie hit him in the face with her notebook.

“Ow!”, Billy held his bruised cheek, “Ok, fine. I’ll sign your shirt!”

“Really?!”, Maddie’s squealed with delight and she blushed. Billy sighed, and took the purple sharpie she handed him. On the back of her shirt he wrote "Papa Acachalla". He smiled mischievously, but hid his face before Maddie could see. Now, maybe, she would leave him alone.

“I’m proud of you, son.”, Papa said as his son stood up and sprinted to his side. Billy hugged his papa.

“I’m surprised, though. Did you really sign her shirt?!”

“Well...sort of.”, Billy replied. And he told Papa what he’d written. Papa laughed.

“Now I wanna see her face when she finds out!”, he exclaimed.

After getting Officer Maloney’s new Bubble Gun 6000, Papa’s chair, and Spencer’s headset, they came to the toy store. Billy got a gigantic teddy bear. Sally got a barbie hair coloring set. On their way to the car, they were stopped by a security lady, who fined them for spilling the clothes everywhere, and disturbing the peace, but Papa paid the money...in Acachalla Dollars!

“Well, that was a pretty crazy shopping trip,” said Gertrude as they drove home. The sun was just setting over the hills. Papa drove into the suburbs of their neighborhood. Sally was quiet. No one spoke. Suddenly, The Ballad of Lights Zeron came on the radio, breaking the awkward silence. Papa turned it off, as he despised opera. Unfortunately for everyone, even three seconds of listening to the song would leave them humming it for the rest of the day.

Knife back knife back knife back LIGHTS ZEROOON, stuck in Billy’s brain faster than glue. That was okay. Billy was too tired to care as was everyone else. It had been a long day. His head dropped to his shoulder and he fell asleep, still cuddling the bear. He closed his eyes, and began to dream...

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